


Q the Busybody

by blueharlequin, bonesandchekov (blueharlequin)



Series: Blue's 007 Fest 2020 Fics [5]
Category: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: 007 Fest 2020, 5+1 Things, Arson, Break Up, Crack, Fanon Alec Trevelyan, Gossip, M/M, Manipulation, Matchmaking, Pet Adoption, Shenanigans, Team Civilian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:20:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25169833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueharlequin/pseuds/blueharlequin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueharlequin/pseuds/bonesandchekov
Summary: Despite his supposed unfeeling demeanour, Q is not above interfering in his minions’ personal lives to make his department run more efficiently. Currently, he’s responsible for no less than three new relationships, several instances of behaviour modification, five breakups, two pet adoptions, and one act of arson (if R wasn’t going to get the house in the divorce from her partner then no one was).
Relationships: James Bond/Q/Alec Trevelyan
Series: Blue's 007 Fest 2020 Fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1812157
Comments: 22
Kudos: 178
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	1. The First Temptation

**Author's Note:**

> Story based off of the last entry in this [post](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25042744/chapters/60786301).
> 
> I write for fun, Grammarly is my beta

“Billy’s crying at his desk over that boyfriend of his again,” R whispered in his ear as she brought him his tea.

Q sighed. That was the third time this week and it wasn’t even Thursday yet. The report he was working on about the new explosive polymer in development was due in two hours. Q checked his log and found Billy hadn’t even started it yet. It wouldn’t do to pull him into the office now, the man was a nervous nelly ninety per cent of the time and a dressing down would only compound the problem.

Q rubbed his temples, how could he fix this quickly and with little fuss. He motioned for R to join him again. “Refresh my memory, is the boyfriend cheating or does he just think he’s cheating?”

R looked at him speculatively before replying, “Just thinks he cheating.” She side-eyed him for a moment then added, “Oh, I just remembered, he also dumped the last one right quick the moment he caught him cheating.”

“Really,” Q replied disinterestedly. R moved back to her work station and Q retreated to his private office.

Now here was the tricky part. “Can’t be a double o,” he muttered to himself. The techs were familiar with all of them. It had to be one of the new agents. He ran a short query and eliminated all of the field agents Billy had worked with, either directly or peripherally. Looking at the shortlist he picked up the phone and dialled, “Hello, Marcus? Please report to my office.”

_The next day…_

Q hovered in the background of the break room as Billy related his evening to a few of the other techs. “And you wouldn’t believe the audacity! In my bed with some himbo!”

“What did you do?” One of the techs asked.

“I threw them out without their clothes, and I deleted his number,” Billy declared.

Q cleared his throat, “Alright you lot, stop chitchatting and get back to work.”

They filed out, but not before he heard someone mumble, “What a wet blanket, it was only a little gossip, Q needs to get laid.”

Q sighed indignantly because even though he completely agreed, it was still mortifying that they would even speculate about such a thing.


	2. It Takes Two

_Monday_

"What is he doing over there?" Q watched as Alan checked his phone yet again.

R rolled her eyes, "I think he just joined some dating app. His mum kept getting on him about settling down and finding a nice girl or something."

Q hummed as he thought about office efficiency and work-issued phones. Then he remembered a conversation he heard the other day in the canteen. "Wait, didn’t Sarah in Accounting mention she was looking for a nice bloke with a steady job?"

His second arched her eyebrow at him and muttered something under her breathe he couldn't catch. She sighed, "How do you suppose he'll even meet her? No one goes down to Accounting if they can help it."

Q searched about his desk, "Ah, I knew it was here somewhere." He messaged Alan to come to his desk.

"Yes Q?

"Alan, please run this budget proposal for the new heat shield in the explosives testing lab down to Sarah Mathers in Accounting." The tech looked at him funny but accepted the papers.

As he left Q Branch R commented, "It's going to take more than one encounter for that to work."

"Not to worry, I have ideas." R frowned at him dubiously but went back to her work.

_Tuesday_

"Yes, Alan. Please take these receipts down to Sarah. Please ask her for Form 252 in return."

_Wednesday_

"Alan, if you don't mind. These are Bond's receipts, I'll need several 252 forms, please."

_Thursday_

"I've recalculated the budget proposal. I'd appreciate it you ran it down again Alan, Sarah's waiting on the revisions."

_Friday_

Q idly meandered through the canteen, surreptitiously observing the table where Alan sat with Sarah and a few other Q branch minions. Luckily, there was a seat behind them obscured by a support pillar. He sat down and listened in.

"... and of course since he kept showing up at my desk we started to talk. I found out that Alan wasn't having any luck on his dating app as well, so I asked him out."

"Well, lucky for that, because every time I tried to check it, my boss would have me run an errand down to your department. I think the man needs it more than I do!"


	3. And Baby Makes Three

Q was at the cat shelter again playing with an older cream and orange cat. As much as he would like to adopt him he knew he did not spend enough time with his own cats as it was. He was only home on the weekends or when he went on holiday. Most of the time he was at his MI6 provided flat so he could be close to headquarters. "Sorry, Mary, I just can't take him," he apologised to the manager. "He seems to be rather amiable."

"Oh, Oliver, you were our last hope too," she sighed. "He's the perfect gentlemen, a lap cat, loves kids and other pets, but he is not a young cat. All of the families that have been through always want a kitten."

Q tenderly stroked his fur and cooed as the kitty started purringly loudly, "How much longer does he have before…" Q gestured to the room down the hall unhappily.

Mary sighed again, "We can only keep him for another week, we just don't have the funds right now and all the nearby shelters are filling up since the holidays just ended."

"Let me see what I can do, I think there may be someone at my work who would love a companion like him." Mary nodded and wished him good luck.

And so it began. It wasn't the first time Q had mentioned adopting animals from the local shelter, but it was the first time he had actively campaigned to get a specific cat adopted. Q posted the adoption listing on all of the branches' digital message boards. Afterwards, he modified MI6's messaging system to alert all users if there were new postings. A fairly innocuous notification that could be turned off in the settings if one knew where to look. The sudden change could also be explained away by recent upgrades. He then sent an email reminding all department heads to use their digital message board.

He set a program to let him know when someone clicked the link to the adoption notice and to screen each interested party. He had to make sure the kitty was adopted by someone responsible and displaying serious interest. Within a few days, he wrote a small reminder email, that looked like it came from the shelter of course, to a handful of the people he deemed worthy.

On Friday, Mary contacted him. "Hi! Oliver! A nice lady from your IT company just came in and adopted the handsome boy," she said excitedly. Q smiled at the wonderful news and let her ramble a bit about volunteering next week before he insisted he really must return to work. He spared a moment to disable the bulletin board notifications.

As he exited his office for the day, Q happened to overhear a snippet of conversation. A group of techs were staring at the phone of the girl who had adopted the now aptly named Buttercup. "Oh, he is an adorable kitty, such a fluffy baby," one of the techs gushed. Not realising he was passing by at the moment Q heard one of the others comment, "It figures the Quartermaster posted the listing, he strikes me as the type to be a crazy cat lady cause he’s single."

Q groaned with only a little resentment as he quickly walked out the door. After all, they weren't wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Q Branch minions really do love their Overlord, even if they do have a laugh now and then at his expense.


	4. Four for you!

Q had a few problem children in Q branch. What could one expect in an area with so many brilliant minds? There would always a bit of malfeasance. Most of them he could ignore, but one of them regularly got on his nerves because of the nature of his offences. Ronald was a previous hire whom he suspected bamboozled Boothroyd with his brilliance. However, because the man was so clever he was also lazy.

At first, he had to meddle with Ronald's mobile, setting the clock forward before he woke up so that he could get to work on time, then turning back once he got to Six.

However, one particular habit Ronald had that was causing dissension was something he had been working on for the last week.

He had multiple mini cams set up to start filming when someone opened the fridge in the breakroom. The facial recognition saw who put their lunch in and if they were the same person who took it out. If they were not, it emailed the clip to him. He then anonymously emailed it to the perpetrator with, _'caught on camera, please replace so-and-so's lunch.'_ It was always Ronald in the clip. Ronald found the first camera in about a week. Q emailed him anonymously again, _'at least check it back into inventory.'_

Bond came in one day and managed to fluster Q by handing in his entire kit. As Q was fussing over the equipment, R raised her eyebrows and looked at the agent suspiciously. James returned her gaze steadily and after a moment she nodded grudgingly. They shared a moment of understanding before James moved on to his usual round of snark with the Quartermaster.

James looked down at Q's laptop and realised he was monitoring the break room while he looked at the previous day's clip. The 00 smothered a laugh when he figured out what Q was doing.

The Quartermaster looked up indignantly, "What? It's a legitimate departmental problem! My people should be able to trust their colleagues."

James shook his head, "Let me handle this Q." He winked saucily at him and sauntered towards the break room.

Q watched as Bond sat across from Ronald. The tech glanced at him and froze as Bond stared intimidatingly at him, just watching him as he ate. James pulled the lunch container towards him and looked it over. Ronald had stopped eating by now and was frozen in his chair.

"So Adam," Bond said conversationally, reading the name off of the container deliberately, "Enjoying your lunch?"

"Um, ah," Ronald stuttered, "well, ah, no, I just realised I have some stuff. Yeah, stuff to do." The tech jumped up and Bond tapped on the table pointing to the half-eaten lunch. Ronald patted down his pockets and threw a fiver on the table before high-tailing it out of the room.

James looked directly at the camera and said, "Time for lunch Q. We can replace Adam's lunch while we are at it."

Q cleared his throat and reluctantly got up. "R, I'm taking a break," he said with a slight blush.

His second watched as the Quartermaster left. She mumbled to one of the other techs as she shut off the breakroom feed, "It seems that Q isn't the only one using circumstances to his benefit, this might be something we need to keep an eye on and encourage."


	5. Five-Alarm Fire

R had been on edge for weeks now. Q knew it was because the deadline for the decree nisi was approaching. It had been a bitter separation. R's spouse had been unhappy for years about the amount of time she spent working. And of course, since R worked for MI6 the amount of confidentiality had bothered her. The woman had been constantly angry that R was secretive and wouldn't talk to her about her job.

When he came in the day the decree absolute was filed R was sniffling, trying to hold back tears. He listened as she lamented about the house. "I can't even recoup the payments I made on it because the loan was in her name!"

He had heard most of it before, R's spouse had made her move out as soon as she had petitioned for divorce. They had run several security checks when R had gotten married, at least the woman rated a low threat assessment, even if she had grown insecure since then. Q was more concerned about the emotional threat to his beloved second, the woman was invaluable to him.

"The worse part is that she isn't even living there! She moved in with her parents and it's just sitting empty!" R declared furiously. Q could tell she was trying to reign in her temper but to no avail. "I'm sorry Quartermaster, this is highly unprofessional of me, I don't want to take up your time with a personal thing like this," she finished forlornly and sat down in resignation on his sofa.

"It's quite alright R. I'd like to think we know each other well enough to share our trials and tribulations." He didn't bother to offer some sort of comfort, there wasn't anything good about the situation, so empty platitudes would just ring hollow.

"Thank you for listening then," she smiled as she stood. She clapped her hands together and moved toward the door, "Well, I suppose I should get to work then. These new security measures won't code themselves."

Q waited until the door closed fully before whipping into action. He was feeling rather vindictive on behalf of his subordinate. Pulling up R's personnel file he pulled her address and began compiling all of the necessary information. He also checked to see if there would be any detriment to his second should there be an inquiry. After a few minutes, he picked up his mobile. "Alec? Yes, I have a mission for you. Please see me in my office."

A short while later, R observed 006 sauntering into the Quartermaster's office. It wasn't anything abnormal to see him or Bond loitering around. They usually made R apprehensive because she was sceptical about their intentions toward her boss. R watched with hawk-like intent as Q spoke to the man. Her eyes narrowed as Trevelyan crowded into Q's personal space, then as the Quartermaster blushed when he placed a hand on his shoulder. They wrapped up their talk when Q handed 006 a folder, but not before he made the younger man blush again by brushing lightly against him as he left.

As Alec exited the Quartermaster's office, R cornered him. "Don't think I don't know that something is up." Surprisingly, Trevelyan startled for a moment but then his face smoothed over. R wouldn't have noticed a thing if she had not caught a tiny tic at the corner of his mouth. "You and Bond better be serious about your interest in him or you'll have the entire wrath of Q branch on your arse."

Alec broke into a mischievous grin tinged with something R might classify as relief. It confused her for a moment, but then she assumed that he thought she had given tacit permission for him to continue. "Don't worry R, I always strive to please our precious Quartermaster." He flipped her a jaunty salute as he strolled away.

The next morning, R dropped the local gazette on Q's desk as she held his tea just out of reach. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about this?" She pointed to a small article on the folded out second page. _'Residential house burns down in five-alarm fire, squatters suspected'_

"Whatever do you mean R?" Q said, looking all the while as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

"Mmm," she hummed out as she rolled her eyes. "You need a distraction. You obviously have too much time on your hands." Q smiled demurely and turned back to his laptop. R looked at him for a moment more before something caught her eye. Bond had just entered Q Branch and was strolling towards them. She looked between him and the Quartermaster and a wicked smile appeared on her face.


	6. One Good Turn Deserves Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Q Branch knows the exact remedy for a bored Quartermaster.

Q was underneath one of the more unobtrusive MI6 vehicles doing some routine maintenance when he heard someone approach. "Could you pass me that breaker bar please," he waved his hand out from under the engine.

"Sure," came the reply, and Q paused for a moment as he recognised the voice. He slid out from under the car and almost hit his head on the bumper in surprise. He was between Bond's legs as the man was crouched over him, any closer and James would be sitting in his lap. The agent smirked and handed him the tool.

"Thanks," he mumbled, blushing furiously. Looking around, he noted that oddly, all of the minions were absent.

"My pleasure," Bond replied before standing up and strolling out.

Q was testing some of the new prototype guns when he heard the other shooter start firing. It was odd because he thought he had booked out the entire range. After putting his gun down he leaned back to see Alec looking at him from a few stalls down. "Hello, Q," the man grinned brightly.

"006, I thought I had the time marked down for this area."

The agent smiled cheekily, "Ah! Usually, no one is down here at this time so I like to get in some practice," he ambled over to the Quartermaster. "Trying out some new toys?"

"Toys," Q muttered rolling his eyes. He put his earmuffs back on and picked up the modified Browning. A series of rounds later and during a pause, he felt a hand on his arm. He twitched as Alec flipped up one of his ears and came up behind him.

"You're exposing your side, that way." Alec placed his hand on Q's hip and straightened his stance. Q shivered slightly as his back brushed up against the 00's chest. "Now move your foot forward a little bit and remember to flex your knees."

It took Q a moment to gather his wits back before he took a breath. Thankfully, Alec flipped his ear covering back down and stepped away. He resumed firing and was rather pleased with the grouping this time. Before he could turn back and thank the agent he heard the door to the range click shut.

"Where is that report 007 is supposed to have?" Q fussed as he sorted through the stacks in his inbox. "I've told him time and again just to e-mail them!"

Q started as the agent in question, who had somehow escaped the Quartermaster's notice when he entered, spoke up right next to him, "Yes Q?"

"Why is this on paper?" He brandished the folder, flipping it open as he held it out between them. He stared incredulously down at the form, "Why… why is this handwritten?"

"Well Q, as amazing as TSS is, they can't seem to get a tech down to my office to fix my computer. Since you declared I would be sent out with a water gun next time I turned in my reports late, I improvised."

The Quartermaster cast about for a moment before R spoke up, obviously knowing what he was looking for, "All of the scanners are being upgraded at the moment, you'll have to send someone down to Accounting if you want it digitised."

"How odd," he said scathingly, no one went down to Accounting if they could help it.

"Now Q, don't be put out," James grabbed his hand and began leading him to his private office. "Luckily I stopped by today, so we can go over it together."

"Right," Q stammered, wondering why James was being so accommodating.

It was very late in Q Branch and only a few of the techs were on duty in a far corner of the department. Most of the lights were off and Q was alone at his desk coding away. The Quartermaster near jumped out of his skin when Alec appeared out of nowhere and said, "You've made a mistake right there."

Q took a moment to catch his breath since the 00 had managed to sneak up _right behind him_ in his open office. "Blast it, 006, I swear you do that on purpose."

"Of course I do," the agent replied jovially.

Sighing at the man's casual unrepentance, he examined his screen and found the error on the line the 00 had pointed to. He rubbed his eyes and noted that he'd been at it for over six hours. He jumped once again when Alec's hands descended on his shoulders.

"Goodness Q, you're so tight," Alec murmured as he began to massage Q's back.

The suggestive tone and double entendre only resulted in Q letting out an embarrassing moan before he swatted at the misbehaving man. "Yes, yes, I'm obviously overworked. I'll be leaving shortly, this is almost done."

Alec danced away from his flapping hands and impishly saluted him as he backed out the door, "Then my work here is done! Have a very good night, Quartermaster."

As he closed his laptop for the night, Q thought it odd that he hadn't realised the alert on the motion sensors hadn't gone off at the agent's arrival.

The next day, R smiled gleefully as she finished up her text with _–and he hasn't eaten anything besides tea and biscuits in the last sixteen hours_.

Moments later, 006 and 007 cruised into Q Branch and made their way to the Quartermaster's private office as if on a mission. The two agents flanked him on each side and James closed Q's laptop once he ascertained the boffin wasn't in the middle of something important. At the same time, Alec gently pulled Q out of his chair, "Come on Q, time for dinner."

"What is this?" He planted his feet firmly and refused to move.

The bracketed him in between them and Alec whispered in his ear, "We are taking you out to dinner and then taking you home."

Q turned bright red and sputtered out, "I'm not some conquest that you can seduce for the thrill of it!"

James cut in, "Q if we had wanted a quick shag to get it out of our system we would have convinced you into letting us both have you on your office sofa by now." Alec took his hand while James cautiously wrapped his arm around Q's middle.

"Oh," Q blinked slowly in realisation, suddenly their constant loitering about in his department for no reason made complete sense.

"Yes, we want to woo you properly," James emphasised. "Please come to dinner with us?"

Q nodded, stunned at the turn of events. Alec handed him his bag and they gently prodded him out of his office.

As Q dazedly let them lead him away, he oddly didn't realise that none of the minions so much as even twitched as the 00s herded him towards the exit.

A collective sigh of relief echoed through the room once the door closed. R announced loud enough for everyone close to her to hear, “Thank goodness, I thought they would never get together! Maybe this will distract him enough to mind his own business.”


End file.
